


Four

by orphan_account



Series: Dan and Phil and Jack - Parent Phan [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Pregnant!Dan, Sad!Dan, im sorry, married, parent!phan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 14:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8987851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After filming an episode of The Sims where Tabitha and Dil have their baby, Dan starts remembering what it was like to be pregnant and now wants another baby





	

"Hello!" Phil waved into the camera "Dan and Phil games umbilical cords!"

"Ooh, where are those scissors I threw at you the other day?" Dan asked looking over the side of the desk "You know, we can just jam them in-"

He was interrupted by a small shriek from Phil who had somehow managed to fall off his chair and was now laughing uncontrollably.

"I almost did a Dan" He laughed as he straightened himself up and Dan looked blankly into the camera before turning his attention back to Phil. 

"The hell happened?" Dan asked as Phil messed about with the wheels of the chair.

"Wait, wait, wait" Phil laughed again "I broke the chair"

"You broke the wheel off the chair?!" Dan questioned in disbelief and held the wheel as Phil handed it to him. 

"It's really wobbly now" Phil commented as he sat up straight and almost fell in the chair again due to the unevenness of the back wheels now that one was missing. He turned the bottom of the chair so that the broken wheel was now at the front and didn't cause him to fall again but he was slightly worried that it would cause him to fall straight into the camera. 

"I really thought it would be my chair that would break first what with all the incidents and all" Dan threw the wheel gently across the desk, cringing slightly at the loud noise it made. 

"You always tell Jack off for throwing stuff yet here you are doing the exact same thing" Phil mentioned "Anyway, welcome back to The Sims!"

"Where Tabitha is preggo"

"Exciting times, pregnant Tabs, daddy Dil and other things" Phil listed making Dan let out a small chuckle as the game loaded. 

"And other things that Phil should never ever repeat" Dan added going into what the two call 'parent mode' "Don't want Jack picking up on the stuff we say, now"

"You say worse stuff than I do" Phil pointed out which Dan pointedly ignored. 

"Oh my god I forgot about the house! Look at this shit"

"It should go down in architectural history"

"Oh my god we forgot to tile it!" Dan realised as he zoomed in on the doorway to the baby's room "Should I just leave it like that?"

"A doormat can go there" Phil suggested. Dan zoomed into Dil and Tabitha's room where they were both sleeping peacefully.

"So, in the world of The Sims" Dan started "How long does it take for the pregnancy to, um"

"Explode?" Phil supplied making Dan somewhat speechless "Well they do technically explode out"

"Birth is more of a miracle than you're making it seem" Dan muttered "Right on the floor! So much goop"

"Does the doctor, the midwife have to wear goggles when delivering the baby?" Phil asked 

"You should know! You bloody watched while I was put to sleep" Dan replied indignantly "Some father you are, not remembering your son's birth"

"It was so long ago" Phil tried "And it was really gross but from what I remember yours didn't. Anyway, the pregnancy is about three days"

"Fuck, I wish actual pregnancy was 3 days long" Dan commented "My labour alone was like three days and I hated nearly every second of it"

"C'mon you liked being pregnant" Phil taunted his husband with a laugh 

"Don't put words in my mouth" Dan laughed as he fast forwarded to wake them up. "I suppose I can think of worse things" 

Tabitha woke up and walked towards the kitchen whilst Dan ignored the small song that Phil made up on the spot about how her boobs had grown.

"She is feeling uncomfortable because of the morning sickness" Dan read out before looking at the camera "Morning sickness was the freaking worst because mine wasn't even morning sickness it was like all day sickness and in like the first trimester I basically lived next to the toilet" 

"What is she doing?"

"She's helping herself to some fish tacos!"

"Do you think she's going to get any weird cravings?" Phil asked "Like coal or pencil lead"

"Do pregnant people actually crave pencil lead?" Dan questioned glancing over at the black haired man paying no attention to Dil dropping a glass at the bar 

"Some people do" Phil replied "What were your cravings again? They weren't that strange were they. I was actually kind of disappointed that you weren't eating like pickles dipped in mayonnaise or something"

"Thank god for that" Dan grimaced "No, mine was pretty good actually, it was just chicken salt so I used to put that on like everything. Okay so we have two days off for Tabs and then we can take a pregnancy vacation from work on the third. Well timed pregnancy"

"I have an idea, let's fast forward the two days so we can see her get pregnant faster! I just wanna see the baby!" Phil gushed and clapped his hands slightly "It's been so long"

"We have one downstairs" Dan pointed out before turning back to face the camera "He's in bed, we're not awful parents, we normally film these late so we can spend time with him during the day, don't call child services on us"

"Wanna see her expand" Phil laughed. Tabitha sped walked to the bathroom due to the fast motion to get through the next couple days and promptly threw up in the toilet. 

"And she's sick again" 

 

 

"Sometimes when I'm on the tube I wonder how many waters have broken on my seat" Phil comments 

"Probably quite a few" Dan answered "Mine broke in my bed so I legit thought I had like peed my pants but nope it was more serious than that"

 

"Guys, she's officially in the second trimester" Dan announced 

"Ooh" Phil gushed "Can we see it?"

"Visible bump" Dan sang quietly before raising his voice "Oh my god!"

"Oh my god" Phil spoke "She's like a whale"

"Like a whale?! Don't call pregnant people a whale, Phil! I would have probably slapped you if you had called me a whale when I was in my second trimester"

"You never talk about your pregnancy this much" Phil realised 

"Well, it's fitting isn't it? I had a baby 6 years ago and now Tabs is and I can relate" Dan mused 

"It must be so annoying having something that big attached to your body" Phil commented "Was it"

"Yes, I couldn't bend over to tie my shoes and it was just awkward doing anything"

"I feel like we should put pillows under our shirts and sympathise with her" Phil chuckled leaning over to get the two pillows on the couch behind them. 

"Why do I have to do it?" Dan asked "I did the real deal"

"Oh look he's hugging her but they can't reach because of the bump!" Phil laughed "That's bringing some memories back"

 

 

"When she wakes up she's gonna be in trimester tre" Dan breathed out 

"How big will she be then?" Phil asked 

"I was fucking huge in the third trimester but this is like virtual reality in a weird way so it's not gonna be accurate"

 

"She's up at 5am what's she doing?" Phil asked

"Being pregnant! That's what happens! And you never kept me company might I add" Dan replied narrowing his eyes at the man next to him. 

"Okay but I took most of the nights to check Jack when he was a bub so you could sleep more"

"And what a good husband you are"

 

"I wish labour was this easy" Dan comments as he watched the baby suddenly appear in the crib "But nope, I had to be sliced and diced"

"It's a boy!" Phil cheered "Just like us"

"Oh my god!"

"We got a baby!" 

"We have one in real life too but now our Sims have a baby!"

 

Dan bit his lip as he stood in the doorway of Jack's bedroom. He had toys scattered all over the floor but he nor Dan seemed to mind though he did feel compelled to pick them up sooner rather than later. Jack was asleep in his small bed with the dinosaur covers, a soft toy T-Rex being cuddled into his chest. 

The most recent Sims video had been on his mind ever since it was filmed and it made him miss being pregnant which was something he never thought he would feel but here he is reminiscing something from when he was a teenager. 

Dan wound up pregnant a few weeks before his 19th birthday much to his and Phil's - and everyone else's - surprise. He was oddly okay with having a baby at that age and with the fact it was with Phil, maybe that was why he was so okay with it because even though he and Phil had literally only been dating for a couple of months, both felt like they were each other's forever's as cheesy as that sounds. 

He didn't really bring it up until the video was uploaded and he was getting loads of comments that spoke about the way he looked when talking about Tabitha's pregnancy and comparing it to his own. They found it cute that he talked about it so openly in the video as he wasn't one to really speak about it. He sometimes mentioned something Jack had done during a video and sometimes Jack would join him in a YouNow and of course he was featured in the Day In A Life's but he preferred to keep his private life and his YouTube life separate for the time being. 

He really wanted another baby, he hadn't thought about having another one especially during the height of their careers but now that it had all slowly come to a close for the year he could stop and think about his family. He wondered if Phil would want another baby. Phil was sometimes hard to read because he's such a nice person that he doesn't want to disappoint anyone and doesn't like to say no, so Dan is worried that if he brings up the baby subject that Phil would say yes just because he doesn't want to see Dan upset. 

 

It wasn't until a few nights after that Dan even brought up the baby subject and he didn't even bring it up, Jack did. He was in his first year of primary school and he was loving every second of it. Dan could see the appeal as literally all they did was colour, learn how to read, count and write and talk about the things they get up to on the weekends. Seeing it was in fact a Monday evening when Dan was helping Jack with his 'homework' of tracing dotted lines into the numbers from 1-10 whilst Phil made dinner in the kitchen. He had mentioned that someone in his class had a new baby sister and that they were really excited to be an older sibling.

 

"Daddy, when am I going to a big brother?" Jack asked looking up at his father with their identical brown eyes. 

"Don't know, bub" Dan replied after letting the question sink in. Jack seemed content with that answer but it didn't stop him from asking Phil the exact same question in a few short minutes when Phil had announced that dinner was ready. Dan was nervously looking anywhere but Phil's eyes when Phil had glanced over to where Dan was trying really hard to pay attention to the spaghetti in front of him before giving a quick 'I don't know' to Jack. 

 

After dinner, Phil and Jack left to go to the bathroom to run a bath which left Dan to clean up after their meal. He placed everything into the dishwasher and wiped down the bench where Phil had clumsily spilt some of the pasta sauce on before sitting in his sofa crease in the lounge. He was going through his emails and replying to some tweets after their latest Undertale gaming video had been uploaded. He looked at the date in the corner of his computer and took notice that Jack went on Christmas holidays in two days for a three week break. 

 

He could hear the loud patter of feet running towards the lounge to he put his laptop on the coffee table in front of him in case Jack would leap onto his lap, he was right. Dan let out a small groan as all the air was knocked out of him but still welcomed a cuddle from one of his two favourite people.

 

"You smell all clean now" Dan smiled as he wrapped his arms around Jack's waist, pulling him closer. 

"Daddy washed my hair!" he giggled as Dan tickled his sides. 

"Did he now?" 

"Yeah! Made my hair spiky!" 

"Daddy's funny isn't he?" Dan laughed "It's nearly time for bed, yeah? Want to play for a little bit?"

"I wanna sit here with you"

"With me? Alright, well maybe we can finish the Pokemon episode we started last night before bed time"

 

Dan lifted up the covers of his side of the bed and slid in next to his husband who was reading a book that he had bought over the weekend. Phil had been engrossed in the book ever since he bought it. 

"How's the book coming along?" he questioned as Phil placed a bookmark in and closed the book. 

"It's really good" Phil replied "How did you go about editing the gaming video?"

"Good" Dan yawned "It's ready to be uploaded tomorrow"

The two were silent for a while as they got comfortable in bed and Phil had switched off the lamp on his bedside table before Phil started talking again. 

"Jack wants a sibling" He started 

"I know" Dan supplied "Do you want a baby?"

"Do you?" Phil asked back

"Maybe"

"You do don't you" Phil said "C'mon Dan, we've been together for 7 years and we have a 6 year old together. I like to think I know when you want stuff"

Dan smiled "I really want another baby"

"There we go" Phil smiled back "You've been acting all maternal ever since Dil and Tabitha had their baby"

"Has it been that obvious" Dan asked with an embarrassed tone "Oh gosh, yeah I reckon that's when it really stimulated but I think I've wanted another for a long time now but we've just been so busy with the book and tour and everything"

"It was pretty obvious, especially when I caught you watching those early videos we did together and you were pregnant in them and you were watching some of videos of when Jack was a baby a few weeks ago"

"I miss having a baby, Phil. Maybe not the initial pregnancy part but it wasn't that bad looking back" 

"I miss having a baby around too, love. We can try"

 

Dan waited in the courtyard of the small primary school in the early hours of the afternoon, waiting for Jack to run outside seeing as school finished early on the last day of term. He normally got some odd stares from the other parents when he would come to pick Jack up because he was still quite young, only 25 and the other parents looked much older than he was. He didn't necessarily mind but it sometimes made him feel a little down upon himself because he knew he was a good parent despite being a teenager when he was born. 

The bell rang and it was only a minute later that the door to the classroom swung open and a herd of small humans came running out, holding artwork in their hands and their small backpacks on their backs. Jack immediately spotted Dan and raced over as Dan crouched down to be closer to his sons height. 

 

"Look! I got my paintings to take home!" He proudly announces pushing the pieces of paper into Dan's face so he could get a better look not paying attention to the fact that Dan couldn't see them when shoved into his face. 

"Wow" Dan gushed as he took them from his small hand "These are amazing, we're gonna have to put them on the fridge won't we?"

"Yeah and Ms Dotty gave me two gold stars for my work because they were so good" he boasted as he slipped his hand into Dan's much larger one as they started walking home. Dan resisted the urge to correct Jack and say her name was Ms Dorothy not Ms Dotty but the miscommunication was adorable. 

"Did she?" Dan asked "I can see why"

 

It was a Thursday evening when Dan did his final live show for the year. He had forgotten what day it was on Tuesday so doing a live show had slipped his mind but he's doing one now to make up for it. Jack was sleepily leaning against him as he played a random iPhone game on Dan's phone, finding the slight rumble of Dan's talking voice travelling through his body comforting.

 

"What game is Jack playing?" Dan reads out. He looks down and repeats the question directly to him. 

Jack glanced up at Dan and then to the screen where he could see himself and said a quick "Angry Birds" before returning his attention back to the app. 

"Well there you have it, he's playing Angry Birds" Dan laughed and ran a hand through Jack's ginger hair. He was the perfect combination of the two of them, he had Dan's eyes, dimples and smile but he also had Phil's hair, complexion and nose. He wasn't sure whose height he'd take after but either way he'll be tall. Dan continued talking to the camera and answering people's questions for the next hour or so. By the time he was finished, Jack was falling asleep on the couch so Dan carefully moved his laptop and moved slowly so Jack wouldn't fall down and gently picked him up so his arms were draped over his shoulders and his legs were wrapped around his waist. 

 

He made a stop at his and Phil's bedroom where Phil was putting the final touches on a new gaming video so Phil could say goodnight before walking across the hall and placing him in bed, tucking his beloved dinosaur covers around his small body and kissing his forehead. 

 

Christmas came and went with Dan and Phil receiving funny items from when they took turns taking Jack shopping for one another and Jack received a whole bunch of items ranging from another dinosaur toy, a train set that he had been wanting for a long time and some dinosaur colouring books. 

Jack immediately begged to set the train set up right here in the lounge and after a quick silent conversation with one another, decided that yes they could set it up now. Dan watched from the couch where he was drinking a cup of tea and flipping through one of the books that he had gotten from Phil. He laughed to himself when he saw Phil playing with the train set as Jack looked on gleefully. He took a photo and uploaded it to his Instagram knowing that the fans will get a kick out of another photo of Jack as they weren't posted often. 

 

danisnotonfire: @AmazingPhil seems to have taken over Jack's Xmas present....

 

Dan started cleaning up all the stray wrapping paper as Phil helped Jack find something nice to wear as he had the mindset to wear exactly what he's wearing now, his pyjamas. Both families were coming over for a late Christmas lunch and dinner so they needed to clean the house. It wasn't that dirty but Dan seemed to have adopted a stereotypical 'house wife' mode that his mother would be proud of. 

Jack loved when his relatives would come over because he was always the centre of attention with being the youngest (and cutest) there so he was spoilt by both sets of grandparents despite both Dan and Phil saying he really didn't need that many presents but their requests were swept under the rug as always. 

The next week was hectic to say the least but they did manage to get one night to themselves without Jack to try and start with the baby making process. Louise had kindly taken Jack for the night which was great as Jack loved playing with Darcy despite her being a few years younger. 

 

They were invited to a New Years Eve party at PJ's house which was going to be a nice get together with a lot of their YouTube friends which Phil was a little concerned about because a lot of them had the tendency to get rather drunk at these events but PJ assured him that everyone will be on their best behaviour so he complied. 

Jack was having the time of his life and it's a wonder that he even made it to midnight. Phil was talking to Louise when PJ announced that it was one minute until midnight. He excused himself to find Dan and Jack. Jack was fighting to stay awake as Dan held him knowing that he got very clingy when he was tired but was still trying to carry out a conversation with Cat. 

 

"Ready for the new year?" Phil asked as he approached them 

"Definitely" Cat answered "This year went on for too long"

"Jack, c'mon the fireworks are going to go off soon" Dan says as he adjusted Jack's position

"10!" someone called out alerting everyone 

"9!" Phil snaked an arm around Dan's waist 

"8!" he pulled Dan closer

"7!" Dan leaned into Phil's touch 

"6!" Jack lifted his head from Dan's shoulder 

"5!" 

"4!"

"3!"

"2!"

"1!, Happy New Year!" Everyone shouted. Dan turned his head to meet Phil in the middle as they shared a passionate but still modest kiss, pulling back with a smile. Dan hikes Jack up again making a grunting noise as he did so which made Jack giggle sleepily as he reattaches his arms tighter around the back of Dan's neck. Dan himself was growing tired despite being a night owl but he had had a busy day by taking Jack to the park and chasing him around for a few hours as well as editing a few videos.

 

"I'm taking a picture of the two of you" Phil decided fishing his phone out of his jeans "You both look adorable" 

"I do not" Dan guffawed but blushed nonetheless.

"Jackie, smile for me for a second please" Phil requested smiling himself when Jack gave a sleepy smile "Awesome"

"Let me see" Dan sought "Why do I look so old?"

"You do not look old" Phil shook his head "What does that make me? I'm 30 in 30 days!"

"You don't look a day over 23" Dan promised "Can you take him? My arms are getting sore"

 

AmazingPhil: My two sleepy boys! Happy New Year from the UK!

 

Dan and Phil have had a few more nights alone as Jack had been going to his friends house more frequently than normal so both Dan and Phil could record a number of videos that would give them more time to spend with Jack later on. And they were still trying for baby number two. 

Dan wasn't sure if that one time before the new year was enough so they did it a few more times and both would be extremely surprised if none of them worked. It was a week before Phil's 30th birthday when Dan felt a bit off and maybe he was going to experience pregnancy symptoms or maybe he was just generally sick. He brought it up to Phil who decided that they should go to the doctors just in case and it would be good to find out early if he's pregnant. 

Jack was holding onto Phil's hand as the family of three walked into the doctors office the following day after scheduling an appointment. 

 

"Why are we here?" Jack asked looking around the pristine waiting room "Am I sick?"

"No" Phil laughed "We're seeing if Daddy is okay"

"Is Daddy sick?" Jack asked looking alarmed as his eyes darted towards his brown haired father 

"No" Dan laughed along. They hadn't really talked about having another baby to Jack properly apart from the one time he asked the previous year, the conversation hadn't been brought back up. "Remember when you asked us when you were going to be a big brother? Well we're seeing if there's a baby in my tummy today"

"Baby?" Jack asked with wide eyes. Dan nodded. "Can I see?"

"Not yet" Dan told him

 

It was only half an hour later - and half an hour of Jack getting restless and complaining - that they found themselves in a room with the ultrasound machine and Dan laying on the bed provided. Phil had pulled up a chair to sit next to the bed and let Jack clamber onto his lap looking bored out of his mind. 

Dan explained that they were trying for a baby and that the previous day he had been feeling off and wasn't sure if it was symptoms or not but wanted to be on the safe side. The doctor nodded along and started asking Dan questions of when they had intercourse and when did they start trying for a baby and if he had felt any other symptoms and what was his pregnancy like with Jack.

He told her that he was constantly throwing up when pregnant with Jack and it would often last all day regardless of what medication his doctor would give him to stop it and that he was constantly tired and would eat anything and everything. His doctor then told Dan to lift up his shirt so they can see if there is a baby in there. Phil bit his lip as he looked at the black and white screen and gripped tighter to Jack who was squirming to be let down. He didn't want him running off or anything. Dan held his breath as the doctor moved the wand over his abdomen and squinted at the screen. 

 

"Alright" she mumbled as she something caught her eye " There we go, Mr Howell, you're pregnant"

"Are you serious?" Dan asked incredulously his jaw dropping and eyes widening. "How far along?"

"I'd say just under a month" she replied wiping the gel off of Dan's stomach. "Did you want me to print a picture?"

"Please"

When she left the room to retrieve the sonogram, Phil leaned over and kissed Dan. 

"We're having another baby!" Dan gasped "Holy shi-crap, holy crap the first time we tried actually worked"

"Big brother?" Jack asked looking up from his long eyelashes (courtesy of Phil)

"Yeah, bub, you're gonna be a big brother" Dan smiled 

 

Phil's 30th birthday came but honestly neither of them had been counting down the days, Phil wasn't particularly excited to end his 20's but they still went out for lunch with a bunch of friends. It was a nice day and both men enjoyed the company of their friends and having to clean up Jack's clothes with napkins after he spilt his entire drink of lemonade - as a treat - onto his lap because despite Dan telling him to use the straw that was provided, he detested and opted to tipping the glass up to his mouth but losing his grip. 

 

The next day was Jack's 7th birthday - much to his delight being born the day after of one of his favourite people in the entire world, apart from Spiderman -which Dan was a bit emotional about. ("My baby is growing up!") and they had a small party with a few of his friends from school with an ice cream cake and lemonade to drink. He was gifted a few DVDs and toys from his friends and family. And Dan had posted a picture of the two of them from the day Jack was born that somehow hadn't made it's way onto social media. There was another one that Phil had posted but it was a few days after labour when both of them were dressed nicely. This one was the first time Dan was able to hold Jack, he didn't even have a name then. Dan was tired and sore from being cut into and looked in rough shape but he was smiling and looking down at the baby wrapped in a white blanket with a bright red face. 

 

Neither of the boys were telling anyone that Dan was pregnant again until the end of his first trimester to ensure they were past the miscarriage danger unlike when Dan was pregnant with Jack and they had to tell literally everyone as soon as they found out due to Dan being 18 and living with his parents and all that jazz. 

 

Being 3 months pregnant with this baby was an entirely different experience than the first. Dan didn't have the monstrous morning sickness this time round, in fact there were days where he didn't feel sick at all. He wasn't as fatigued as much as last time nor were his emotions getting all over the place. At 3 months, Phil was entranced by Dan's pregnancy glow. Phil was amazed at how Dan's eyes sparkled and how his skin was shinier - which Dan detested when making videos and his bump was beginning to show. It wasn't that big but he would never get tired of seeing it. 

 

The downsides of being pregnant were beginning to occur which basically means that he's outgrowing his clothes around the tummy area where it is now becoming swollen and more apparent. He feels embarrassed about his weight gain when he goes to his check up at the doctors even though he really shouldn't. His bump wasn't as noticeable as he thought and can really only be seen if he's shirtless or wearing a tighter shirt. He was careful when filming to wear looser shirts and jumpers which didn't raise any questions as it was quite normal of him to do so. 

 

They didn't announce that Dan was pregnant to the Internet until he was 16 weeks. They had told both their families and close friends prior to this as to not keep them in the dark but with Dan's bump getting bigger, it will get hard to hide soon. 

He filmed a video with Phil and Jack figuring it was an announcement about their family so that he should include his in the video. 

 

"Hey Internet" Dan saluted 

"Hey guys" Phil waved

"Hi" Jack giggled after he elongated his greeting. 

"So, this is unusual isn't it?" Dan started "I don't normally film a video with Jack, neither of us do, don't we?"

"Nope" Phil replied "But we have some special news!"

"Special news!" Jack echoed waving his arms in the air. Phil gently moved them down back into his lap as Jack squirmed to get out to move around some more. 

"So" Dan breathed out "We've been keeping this silent for a while but we can't hide it for much longer so we decided to do it now, I'm pregnant!"

"Yay!" Phil cheered "Don't know why I said that when we can edit that in"

"Anyway" Dan got back on track "Yes, I'm - we're - having another baby! Which is incredibly exciting. We wanted to wait until we were out of the miscarriage danger zone before we told people but we made it and here we are"

"I'm gonna be a big brother" Jack grinned showing off his gap where he had lost a tooth the day before. "I lost a tooth see"

"Yup, Jackie here is gonna be a big brother" Phil ruffled his hair "What do you want the baby to be? A boy or girl?"

"Boy!" Jack immediately replied loudly leaning forward into the camera "Girls are icky"

"Are they now?" Dan asked amused "Why are they icky?"

"Ummmm, I don't know!" he giggled as Phil pulled him back onto his lap "Boys are better"

"What do you want Dan?" Phil asked

"Oh god, I don't know. A girl would be nice because we don't have a girl in the house but I'm used to looking after boys" Dan rubbed his face "What about you?"

"Boy would be easier but I do enjoy a challenge" 

"We'd be like our parents then" Dan spoke "Your mum has two boys and so does mine"

"If we're going by that then we're probably having another boy" Phil decided 

"The baby can be called Rex" Jack suggested cutely

"Rex?" Dan asked "Why Rex?"

"Because the Tryamosaurus Rex is my favourite dinosaur" Jack replied mispronouncing Tyrannosaurus. 

"We'll see" 

"Can we show everyone your bump? Please?" Phil begged "It's so cute"

"No it's not" Dan laughed "It's gross you can see stretch marks and veins"

"So? It's pregnancy" Phil shrugged

"Ugh fine" Dan stood up lifting up his jumper to show his growing bump. It wasn't that big but it was definitely noticeable especially where the band of his jeans was now curving under it. "This is weird"

"We did the same when Jack was in there" Phil pointed out "You were pregnant during a lot of our first collabs. You were like 8 months in one of them"

"Oh god I was wasn't I" Dan murmured "I looked like a whale"

"Hey! You told me off for calling pregnant people a whale in the Sims video yet here you are" Phil criticised

"I'm the pregnant one I can do whatever the hell - heck - I want" Dan shot back as he sat back down. "Anyway maybe I'll do another bump update in the future but either way this guy over here will probably take heaps of pictures to keep you updated. In the mean time, give us a thumbs up if you enjoyed this announcement and click subscribe to see more videos, click on Phil's face to subscribe to his channel and click on Jack to subscribe to our gaming channel!"

 

The screen cuts out and another clip of Dan fixing his hair in the camera appears with Phil holding a giggling Jack in the background as he threw him on the bed causing Dan to immediately turn around to tell them to be careful and Jack better not get hurt. 

 

Month 5 came and Dan had experienced a little heartburn here and there but it wasn't severe like he had before. His stretch marks were still appearing in ugly purple vein like patterns around his hips and the bottom of his stomach. Dan thought he looked rather unattractive he was being honest because he was beginning to eat more which was causing weight gain on his hips but Phil thought he looked gorgeous and gave him small back rubs when he was in pain. They also had the opportunity to find the sex of their baby but both agreed to keep it a surprise for everyone, them included which their parents weren't happy to hear. 

 

Month 6 was pretty uneventful. He wasn't getting heartburn as often as the pregnancy books and websites told him and even the swelling of the ankles weren't that bad. He could still wear most of the shoes he owned without it being a hassle. His stomach had grown and the only annoying thing was that he had grown out of his skinny jeans. So he had resorted to black tracksuit pants. His back aches weren't as common either and he was able to get to sleep pretty easily. 

 

Month 7 is when the baby starts to move and it sent everyone into a fit of glee. Phil recorded a video for Twitter and Instagram about this and showed everyone the movement of Dan's tummy whilst Dan tried hard to cover his face. He read that he was meant to start sweating more during this month but he hasn't noticed many changes. He was completely fine. 

 

Month 8 was making everyone nervous because he's so close to popping that it's scary. Jack can't even wrap his arms around Dan properly anymore and is generally disappointed that Dan can't carry or pick him up anymore. It's awkward to do anything because of this giant bump in the way of everything and it's heavy, it's fucking heavy. He's taken to walking with a hand on his hip and one under his stomach just to hold it up so he doesn't topple over or anything. His stomach should be cramping up in this month to prepare but he hasn't felt anything. 

 

Month 9 was when everything turned to shit. 

 

Dan was prepared to breeze through the last month what with the near perfect pregnancy but that changed as quickly as it sounded. He went to bed that night expecting to get a decent amount of sleep like he had nearly every night before that but his body had other ideas. 

It started with a slight cramp that started just below his bellybutton but soon spread throughout his entire lower stomach. His breaths began rigid and uneven as he tried to figure out what the hell was happening because whatever it is, this is not labour. 

He tried to ignore the pain, tried to brush it off like it was the baby moving into position but the little voice at the back of his mind told him it was something worse. The pains in his stomach grew worse as time grew on so he slowly and carefully moved to stand up which was a struggle itself but he did it and right now all he wanted to do was sit back down. He breathed heavily as he placed a hand under his stomach, wincing at the pain that speculated the area and seemed to become worse when he touched it but his stomach was heavy to just leave. He sluggishly walked to the bathroom where he turned the light on to really figure out what was happening. His stomach looked relatively okay, it just felt like everything inside him was on fire and was alarmed by the red substance that was making it's way down his legs. Blood. 

Dan was piecing together what was happening and he wished that this was a horrendous dream and that he would wake up but this wasn't a dream, this was reality. The urge to throw up came about so he quickly but carefully knelt down so he could lean over the toilet to throw up. A sob rippled through his body and before he knew he was full on crying to his heart's content. 

He heard footsteps coming towards him, he knew it was Phil but he still jumped when a hand was placed on his back and rubbing in soothing circular motions. Dan's sob caught in his throat as he leaned over the porcelain bowl to dry heave, letting a strangled cry out when nothing came out. He was in pain, so much pain. 

 

"There was blood on the mattress" Phil said softly "I could hear you crying"

"It hurts so much" Dan squeezed his eyes shut as the pain suddenly grew stronger "This isn't labour, it's so much worse"

Phil watched in distraught as Dan coughed and threw up in the toilet, he couldn't imagine what Dan was feeling at this moment. Dan's face was red and wet from the heavy flow of tears, his legs stained red as well the tiles around his knees. 

"We need to go to hospital" Phil rushed out of the room to get his phone and rushed back in time to see Dan heave into the toilet again. He rang the number for an ambulance and spat out what was happening before hanging up and letting Dan lean against him. He looked exhausted, his fringe had been pushed up held there by sweat and his shirt had damp patches all over it and small stains of vomit. His grey tracksuit pants had blood soaked through and all in all it was a sight Phil never thought he'd see. He held Dan tighter as his breath hitches and Dan let out another loud sob, clutching at his stomach as he did so. 

He could hear the ambulance pull up and it wasn't for another three minutes that Dan was being loaded onto a stretcher. Phil stood up from the floor, in tears himself as he watched the heartbreaking sobs erupt from his husband as he was taken away. Phil wasn't allowed to go with them so he called a taxi instead. He woke up a tired Jack, not bothering to get him changed out of his pyjamas and grabbed his dinosaur soft toy to take with him. Poor Jack had no idea what was going on, his brain wasn't awake enough to comprehend what was happening. 

With Jack in his arms, wrapped protectively around him, Phil rushed to get to the taxi parked out front and quickly told the driver to take them to the hospital. It was like everything was in slow motion and the only thing going faster was the clock on the dashboard. Jack was yawning in the seat beside him and Phil felt guilty of taking him out of his slumber on a school night. Jack wouldn't be going to school tomorrow. 

Phil had never been so glad to see a hospital in his life. He walked as fast he could to the front desk, hitching Jack up as he started to slip and demanded to know what was happening with Daniel Howell. Flustered, the receptionist tried to find out as much as she could but could only say that he was in emergency surgery. Phil's world stopped when he heard those words. He knew that the outcome of this wouldn't be good. 

He silently nodded and went to take a seat in one of the waiting room seats, holding Jack like he was a baby as he fell back asleep. A quick glance at the clock on the wall said it was nearing 4 in the morning. He watched as people came and went, watched as doctors and nurses came into the waiting room asking for people but none of them were for him.  
It was around 7 in the morning and Phil hadn't slept a wink since arriving but no one had told him anything. He had left a message with Dan's mum and his own mum letting them know that Dan was admitted to hospital in the early hours of the morning but not for a good reason. 

 

At 7:30, Jack woke up dazed and confused and wondered why his Daddy looked so sad. He tried asking what was wrong but all Phil could do was hug him closer each time. His baby. 

 

At 7:53am, a doctor finally called out for him. He explained everything as they stood outside Dan's private room. Dan was in the beginning stages of labour but by some fucked up twist of fate, the baby was dying which was why Dan was in immense pain. He wondered if Dan was told that their baby died or if he was still asleep from the surgery. Jack didn't understand what was happening and was tugging on Phil's hand to get his attention but Phil would shrug him off as the doctor continued to talk. Phil nodded as he finished talking and took a shuddery breath. He looked down at Jack, so innocent in his dinosaur pyjamas and holding his favourite soft toy as he looked back up at him through his long eyelashes with his beautiful brown eyes - just like Dan's. 

 

Phil knelt down to be at his height and put both hands on his shoulders showing that this was a serious conversation. 

 

"Jack" Phil started nervously "When we go inside to see Daddy, it's going to be scary but everything is going to be okay, okay? Daddy might be asleep or he might be awake but he's also going to be very sad"

 

He stood up again, taking Jack's hand back in his as the doctor opened the door for them. Dan was awake, Phil could tell because his eyes were open, but they weren't focusing on anything and he seemed to be lost in his thoughts. The closing of the door seemed to disrupt Dan from his thinking as he eyes darted over to where his husband and son were standing. He tried to smile, a small smile to show Jack he was okay but he couldn't and burst into tears. He was lying on his side with IV's dripping into his arm so he cried into his inner elbow. He couldn't be strong at a time like this. 

Phil walked over and lovingly stroked Dan's hair while Jack stood next to him unsure of what to do. Phil whispered loving words as Dan continued to cry but had grabbed hold of one of Phil's hands. 

 

"We lost the baby" he sobbed looking up at Phil with watery eyes "Our baby is gone"

"I know" Phil spoke in a soft voice "I'm so sorry this happened"

"Did I do something wrong?" Dan asked tearfully "I didn't mean too"

"You didn't do anything wrong, love" Phil continued stroking his hair "You did everything you could"

"My everything wasn't good enough, our baby died"

Phil looked down at the sheets that were clinging to the outline of Dan's body, taking notice of his stomach that was still rather bloated but he knew didn't have their baby inside.  
"There wasn't anything we could do" Phil told Dan 

"I know" Dan sniffed "I want my mum"

"I left her a message on her phone, she'll be here soon, I'm sure of it"

"I want her now" Dan sobbed as a new wave of tears came about. "Please"

 

Dan ended up crying himself to sleep as Phil bit his nails nervously as he awaited for the parents to arrive. He didn't know what to do and Jack himself was close to tears and this is really not the place for a 7 year old to be. 

 

Dan's mum didn't arrive until lunch time which was when Dan was laying in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, his hands absentmindedly cradling his empty stomach while Phil and Jack sat next to the bed silently. Phil and Jack left the room once she arrived to give the two some privacy and headed down to the hospital cafeteria for some breakfast. Phil was in a daze when he ordered and didn't seem to mind that Jack was eating a packet of chips for breakfast. They didn't want to return to Dan's room so soon so they sat at one of the metal tables, the sound of the chairs scraping against the floor echoing throughout the room and Jack's habit of chewing loudly rang in his ears. 

 

"I don't like seeing Daddy cry" Jack spoke up "Made me sad"

"I don't like seeing Daddy cry either" Phil agreed

"When I'm crying you or Daddy cuddle me and get my dinosaur to cuddle" Jack told him "Can we buy Daddy a cuddle toy?"

"I'm sure he'd like that" Phil gently smiled. After Jack was finished with his unhealthy breakfast, Phil lead him to the gift shop and told him that he could pick out whatever his heart desired for Dan. Jack took this job seriously as he took teddy bears off the shelf and hugged them himself before deciding to put it back because it wasn't the right one for Dan. After 10 minutes of hugging soft toys, Jack triumphantly held up one of the bears exclaiming that this is the one. 

 

Arriving back at Dan's room was nerve wrecking for Phil, he couldn't hear crying from outside the door so he wasn't sure if Dan was awake or not. He hesitantly knocked on the door as to not startle them too much and opened the door, letting Jack walk in first. Jack quietly walked up to the bed where Dan was in fact awake and trying to look like he was okay in front of him. Phil stood next to Dan's mum who was also watching the two interact. 

 

"Hi Daddy" Jack greeted him "I got you a teddy to cuddle because when I'm sad you get my dinosaur for me to cuddle or you or Daddy cuddle me but Daddy says that I can't right now so here's a toy from the gift shop"

"It's cute" Dan croaked out as he let Jack place the bear next to his head "Please cuddle me"

Jack hesitated and glanced back at Phil but tried to climb into the hospital bed as carefully as he could. Dan shuffled back a bit, breath hitching as he knocked something but welcomed Jack as he successfully made it onto the bed. Jack lay on top of covers as he carefully draped one of his small arms over Dan's chest and let Dan pull him closer. Phil could tell Dan was going to start crying again so he also made his way over and started drawing patterns on the back of Dan's hand with his finger. 

 

"I'm gonna be sad for a while" Dan confessed as he ran one of his fingers along Jack's cheekbone. 

"I know you are" Phil replied "It's okay"

 

Dan's mum left a while ago and Dan is refusing to let Jack leave the bed. He needed the comfort of his child to help him through this tough time. Phil's mum dropped by nearly in tears herself when she found out what happened and offered to take Jack back to their apartment which Dan shook his head frantically at. Her mentioning the apartment reminded Phil that it wasn't the most tidy of apartments especially after what had happened. He hesitantly told his mum as she was leaving and she nodded sadly and told him she'd drop by and clean it up for them. God, he loved his mum. 

 

Phil did end up taking Jack back to the apartment once it had been cleaned for proper food and to change his clothes being ensured by Dan he'll be okay for a few hours. Phil and Jack sat at the kitchen table, both silently eating some noodles that Phil found in the cupboard. Phil didn't feel like eating at this point but he did for Jack. 

 

"Am I not going to be a big brother anymore?" Jack asked quietly as he innocently took a bite of the chicken noodles. 

"Maybe you will in the future" Phil tried to keep the mood light but Jack shook his head

"I don't want to be a big brother if this is what happens to Daddy" 

 

Dan was released from the hospital the following week and despite being incredibly sad that he wouldn't be coming home with a new baby he tried to remain in a somewhat happy state when they arrived back to the apartment. 

Phil made a video for his channel explaining what happened and that both of them will be taking a break from social media for a while. He told everyone what happened and there wasn't any fancy sound effects or any humour. Didn't even bother setting up lights or his proper filming camera opting to use the photo booth on his laptop. He did a one take with no editing - just the cold, harsh truth. 

 

Dan still cries about it which was expected. Phil would catch him watching the video where they announced the pregnancy only to take away his laptop and phone so he couldn't torture himself with the memories. Jack seems to know when Dan needs the comfort and would often find the two cuddled together on the couch or in their bed. 

Jack didn't ask about being a big brother anymore after knowing what had happened last time. It's okay though, they're all okay and Dan is slowly getting better. 

 

One day they'll be a family of four but for now, they're going to stick to a family of three.


End file.
